Sun, May. 31st, 2015, 11:19 pm
Well I guess I made the right decision on Weds to fly out to LA on Friday haha. On Friday, Jonathan greeted me passionately at our AirBnB, and then we proceeded to Father’s Office for a burger. We walked then to the Santa Monica beach. I wanted to just stop and sit down, so we did, talking about lots of random stuff. He didn’t want to sit down though because he didn’t want sand in his jeans.
Then I tell him I’m cold and want to head to the restaurant or a café of sort. He asked me to just stay for a little bit more, so I do. At that point, I get a little suspicious, that something is up. He then says to me, “I know you think I’m taking a while to propose, but I just want you to know that I am going to do it soon. Very soon. If I asked you, are you sure you’ll say yes? And you’re fine about your ex?” I said yes to it all. Then Jonathan says, “OK well then I’ll put one knee down,” so he does, on his shoe, haha. Then he tells me that I mean the world to him, and that he can’t imagine anyone else who would be more perfect for him, etc etc… Takes the ring out of his jacket, and asks me to marry him.
I am crying the whole time. I didn’t expect to but it felt great. Tears of joy and emotion. It was a perfect proposal, even though Jonathan didn’t really orchestrate it entirely. He was just waiting for the right moment.
When I called mom, she didn’t sound too happy. Turns out, she didn’t like the ring, thinking it was too small and she goes into this whole spiel about how I won’t tell her still how much money Jonathan makes and how she’s so worried that I’m going to be poor. That she feels bad for her daughter because the ring is smaller than her earrings. Quite honestly, I love this ring. It’s so brilliant and the size is perfect for my hands. All of that said, I guess now it put this seed of doubt in my head that maybe people will think it’s too small… All that said, it really is “me.”
Jonathan really makes me feel loved. He told me today that he can’t wait to call me his wife. He looked up the Spanish word for Fiance. Haha. It’s so strange. I’m engaged!!! For a while, I guess I was nervous about whether it would happen or not… I dunno. You never want to expect something and then for it to not come true. But Jonathan kept to his word, and true to our conversation on our 3rd date (when I disclosed that I needed to date for marriage), he has decided to settle down even at the age of 26. Today he told me he’d be totally ready (9 out of 10) for a kid within 2 years. Also, talking to Brian Murray and Sansan today, I realized how lucky I am too that Jonathan is okay with mom living with us.
I feel blessed.
Now, it’s time to figure out wedding stuff – but pushing that decision out for maybe a month from now. Who knows if we end up doing that or what. Just going to enjoy the engagement for now!
So I don't forget my ski lessons:
When you try turning, you have to stand up straight to enable the turn. If you're making a left turn, your left foot is your steering leg and vice versa. The left foot is turned in a bit and your right foot is more extended.
If you are going faster than you want, try turning. Or fall, falling in your side. Don't have your butt be heavy because then you'll fall on your butt or your head. Lean forward.
When climbing up a hill, keep your hips pointed upward. You can use your skis to climb up, elevating them at an angle so it's not just flat against the hill.
You're not really supposed to use the poles as a beginner.
On the lift, if you don't want to fall when you get off, just keep your hands on your knees. If you're holding your poles in one hand, keep the other hand on your knee.
After having a first somewhat tense conversation that resulted after I said I was happy that at least he wasn't still working in suits, Jonathan and I are perhaps the strongest we have been so far. We went to the MFA tonight, walked to his old apartment and then had a drink at parish cafe. He texted me, "I am liking you more and more by the day. I hope that never stops :)"
I'm trying to safeguard my heart a little but I am also allowing myself to just get into it a bit more each time I see him. Today he acknowledged that once we get over our prejudices, we will be a pretty awesome couple.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
"When you're single, sex is something often proceeded by the word "casual." Marriage naturally changes that, teaching you to take the act more seriously. Then, divorce exchanges intimacy for absence and you feel the pressure of not only finding that connection again but holding onto it because there's no telling when you'll get another shot. Which leaves my brain spinning out with questions.
"After years learning what one person likes, what if I don't have the skills to satisfy this new person?" "I'm coming out a long-term relationship and odds are she is too, so can sex with someone new just be for fun or does it mean a new commitment?" "When do I tell the kids that daddy's seeing someone new?" "How much is that Cialis prescription?"
Ultimately, I suppose, we develop these worries as a way of delaying acceptance of divorce. Once you sleep with someone new, that pretty much makes the transition to your second life official -- which is not a bad thing. It's a necessary thing. So perhaps I shouldn't be looking at sex as a wall that I'm not sure I can scale. Rather, it's a door I probably should have gone through by now. Not just so I can loosen up and enjoy something pleasurable for a change, but also to finally assure my vasectomy doctor that his work is satisfactory."
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Mon, Mar. 19th, 2012, 11:12 pm
Iceland is indeed a beautiful country. I leave tomorrow. This was an incredibly short but perfect length of a trip.
Surround by two couples, I can't help but think of B and the time we shared together. But similar to what that Heartbreak Academy article said, I tried to identify what about it all that made me miss him. In a way, I just miss belonging as part of a couple. I miss loving someone. I love to love.
I try to stay grounded and to that end I do remember how in Orlando I was very upset about how B forgot to go to the ATM for cash for our cab driver and how I felt tired of always being the responsible one.
I must trust that I am lovable and will one day find someone with whom it feels even more right. As he admitted himself - he didn't even try.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
Sat, Feb. 11th, 2012, 08:18 pm
: Loving is Knowing.
I knew already this from positive psychologist Tal Ben Shahar, but suddenly it made sense in the context of my ex. Love is about knowing someone fully. That's why it is so hard for me to get over B. I still feel, even after so many months, that I know him. And that's why I am dying to find out how he's doing in life: I want to keep knowing and loving him. But that's why we shouldn't be sharing details about each other and our lives (prematurely trying to be friends). Time is needed to heal, but specifically how time heals is by allowing both of us to change to a point where one day we realize that neither of us really knows each other anymore.
: My mother is not crazy.
Every man and woman compares their life status with their peers. For me, in high school, it was about what colleges I got into. At the end of college, it was about what job I landed. Three years later, the focus became grad school. Now, it's about finding a mate. Someday, we'll redirect our attention on kids, and how they succeeded through the same steps I just went through. For my mother, she's at the phase where her peers judge life progress based on marriage of their children and birth of grandchildren. My mom is not grandmother-obsessed. She's just at a new life stage, where that becomes the focal point of evaluating progress in life.
: To get something done, you need to put it on the calendar.
This was made clear in a HBR article about how to keep New Year's resolutions. It helps to write down your goals, but it helps immensely to say when and where you're going to do it. Last year, my superficial and seemingly trivial goal was to take better care of my skin. Since then, I've gotten Retin A and no longer have to worry so much about breakouts. This year, I will commit to the bigger goal of healthier living. Tomorrow I will outline when I'll go to the gym and what I'll do each of those times for a minimum of 3 times per week. Also, I will start a dinner club, where I am forced to learn how to cook a new dish 3 times a month. And, I will commit to meeting at least 1 new person a month. I will buy a planner to keep track of this all.
Where there is a will, there is a way. I have never forgotten that Care Bear quote.
being facebook friends with exes? if he's now in a new relationship, can you defriend? should you defriend?
Fri, Jul. 2nd, 2010, 11:52 pm
Work: I feel like I have established a good image with my brand manager and direct coach, but I'm not too sure whether others will feel like I'm a good cultural fit or not. The work has bee refreshing different from consulting and marketing at GE in a way that humbles me and reminds me that I really haven't worked for that long. That said, I am so glad that any bit of insecurity have can be somewhat downplayed or at least understood as me being a bit on the younger side. Anyway in 2 weeks I will know whether I'm on track or not for an offer and that will be the first moment of truth. Today though my brand manager said he was smiling on the plane because he was happy with my one pager reco on NASCAR. And he said I already have a good presence. Yay!
Home: traveling for 10 days has been so healthy for me. Living at home hasn't bothered me yet again but then again I haven't been here for very long again.
Health: something may be wrong with me. Have been coughing for three weeks now. I think this week it is starting to be a real cold whereas before it may have been allergies or something. I also hate that I have no discipline in working out....
Love: it's too drastic a difference for me once he left for Singapore. I feel very much single - and frankly, a bit neglected or avoided - but perhaps all of this is purposeful. Who knows. But ultimately I am happy because I do see the value in really feeling single because I didn't get that after breaking up with Louie. So this is my time to become my own self again.
School: maybe because its so far away but I do kind of feel like school is a lower priority for me these days. First and foremost I am identifying as a professional right now. That said, I am a bit excited to get back and learn things, but I admit that a larger part of my longing to return is still tied to me wanting to reunite with him, blah. However that feeling is slowly eroding with each day of us not chatting. Man I thought he was different. But maybe all guys do inherently suck at long distance.
March 30, 2010
The Sandra Bullock Trade
By DAVID BROOKS
Two things happened to Sandra Bullock this month. First, she won an Academy Award for best actress. Then came the news reports claiming that her husband is an adulterous jerk. So the philosophic question of the day is: Would you take that as a deal? Would you exchange a tremendous professional triumph for a severe personal blow?
On the one hand, an Academy Award is nothing to sneeze at. Bullock has earned the admiration of her peers in a way very few experience. She’ll make more money for years to come. She may even live longer. Research by Donald A. Redelmeier and Sheldon M. Singh has found that, on average, Oscar winners live nearly four years longer than nominees that don’t win.
Nonetheless, if you had to take more than three seconds to think about this question, you are absolutely crazy. Marital happiness is far more important than anything else in determining personal well-being. If you have a successful marriage, it doesn’t matter how many professional setbacks you endure, you will be reasonably happy. If you have an unsuccessful marriage, it doesn’t matter how many career triumphs you record, you will remain significantly unfulfilled.
This isn’t just sermonizing. This is the age of research, so there’s data to back this up. Over the past few decades, teams of researchers have been studying happiness. Their work, which seemed flimsy at first, has developed an impressive rigor, and one of the key findings is that, just as the old sages predicted, worldly success has shallow roots while interpersonal bonds permeate through and through.
For example, the relationship between happiness and income is complicated, and after a point, tenuous. It is true that poor nations become happier as they become middle-class nations. But once the basic necessities have been achieved, future income is lightly connected to well-being. Growing countries are slightly less happy than countries with slower growth rates, according to Carol Graham of the Brookings Institution and Eduardo Lora. The United States is much richer than it was 50 years ago, but this has produced no measurable increase in overall happiness. On the other hand, it has become a much more unequal country, but this inequality doesn’t seem to have reduced national happiness.
On a personal scale, winning the lottery doesn’t seem to produce lasting gains in well-being. People aren’t happiest during the years when they are winning the most promotions. Instead, people are happy in their 20’s, dip in middle age and then, on average, hit peak happiness just after retirement at age 65.
People get slightly happier as they climb the income scale, but this depends on how they experience growth. Does wealth inflame unrealistic expectations? Does it destabilize settled relationships? Or does it flow from a virtuous cycle in which an interesting job produces hard work that in turn leads to more interesting opportunities?
If the relationship between money and well-being is complicated, the correspondence between personal relationships and happiness is not. The daily activities most associated with happiness are sex, socializing after work and having dinner with others. The daily activity most injurious to happiness is commuting. According to one study, joining a group that meets even just once a month produces the same happiness gain as doubling your income. According to another, being married produces a psychic gain equivalent to more than $100,000 a year.
If you want to find a good place to live, just ask people if they trust their neighbors. Levels of social trust vary enormously, but countries with high social trust have happier people, better health, more efficient government, more economic growth, and less fear of crime (regardless of whether actual crime rates are increasing or decreasing).
The overall impression from this research is that economic and professional success exists on the surface of life, and that they emerge out of interpersonal relationships, which are much deeper and more important.
The second impression is that most of us pay attention to the wrong things. Most people vastly overestimate the extent to which more money would improve our lives. Most schools and colleges spend too much time preparing students for careers and not enough preparing them to make social decisions. Most governments release a ton of data on economic trends but not enough on trust and other social conditions. In short, modern societies have developed vast institutions oriented around the things that are easy to count, not around the things that matter most. They have an affinity for material concerns and a primordial fear of moral and social ones.
This may be changing. There is a rash of compelling books — including “The Hidden Wealth of Nations” by David Halpern and “The Politics of Happiness” by Derek Bok — that argue that public institutions should pay attention to well-being and not just material growth narrowly conceived.
Governments keep initiating policies they think will produce prosperity, only to get sacked, time and again, from their spiritual blind side.
i hate recruiting events. and i just attended only 1 reception thus far!
one day, i hope to not be "trying" so hard. instead of recruiting, i hope to be recruited.